Strategies for Building a Biblical Relationship by Jennifer Slattery

Strategies for Building a Biblical Relationship by Jennifer Slattery Before I got married, I never considered purity or how my choices in the moment could affect me and my future relationships. As a result, I stood at the altar, excited to unite my heart with the man I loved but carrying with me a load of shame and regret. If I had it to do over, I would’ve been more contemplative and intentional regarding my behavior. If you’ve been dating for any length of time, you’ve likely wrestled with questions related to purity: What’s allowed and what isn’t, when have you “gone too far”, and how can you know where that unclear and unstated boundary lies? Most of us understand God’s commands regarding sex, but what about the acts that may lead to it? Are they forbidden? Is it okay to kiss, and if so, at what point? Is one type (a simple peck on the cheek, a brush of lips against lips) purer than another, and how can we know for certain? Unfortunately, Scripture doesn’t clearly address these questions. But that doesn’t mean we must languish in confusion or uncertainty. Rather, whenever we encounter a “gray” area, we’re provided an opportunity to draw closer to God as we seek His heart. Here are some biblical strategies for building a relationship aligned with God’s perfect will. 1. Guard your heart. Scripture tells us our hearts are deceptive. We can easily convince ourselves that wrong is right and right is wrong. This occurs often when married couples leave their spouse for someone else, claiming God wants them “to be happy.” When emotions and hormones become entangled in our choices, our thoughts and attitudes often follow. The heart, in ancient Hebrew, refers to a person’s core being. It’s one’s moral compass and the seat of their will and intellect, and it’s easily swayed. Every interaction either strengthens or weakens us spiritually. Moreover, what we feed often grows. This means the more we watch sensual material and engage sensual thoughts, the harder it will be to remain pure. This is why Scripture urges us to “keep [our] heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). 2. Recognize your weakness. Temptation often hits when we least expect it. We’ve all likely heard stories of men and women who intended to stay pure until marriage but found themselves in a situation where their sexual desire, momentarily, overrode their resolve. Few intend to sin but honoring Christ takes more than good intentions. It takes forethought and determination. When my daughter was a teen and we discussed relational issues, I reminded her, “The longer you stare at a cookie, the more you’ll want it.” In other words, if we want to stay strong, we have to be alert to temptations, avoid them when possible, and create guardrails when necessary. By staying alert to our weaknesses and guarding against them, we can avoid “oopsies” we’ll regret for years. That doesn’t mean we should bar ourselves from the opposite sex, but it does mean we should be intentional regarding our interactions. 3. Love your partner well. 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us true love always protects—in all things, purity included. A man who truly loves a woman will be focused first and foremost on her spiritual good. A woman who truly loves a man will do the same. Both will resist selfish urges to find pleasure in the moment, choosing instead to help their partner grow closer to Christ. Lust isn’t love, and sex outside marriage isn’t God’s best for you, your partner, or your relationship. Whenever we put our longings above God’s will, we distance ourselves from Him. When we entice our partner to do the same, we hinder their relationship with christ as well. Credit: Jennifer Slattery